Posts Tagged With: plus size

This Is Important

Today an article was brought to my attention that may be over a year old but it expresses exactly what I think about a lot.

Let’s Talk About Thin Privileges

What the author says is so very true and I agree 100%. I especially like how nice she’s about it. I’ve read similar pieces before in which thinner people’s worries were just dismissed and I don’t believe in that. I have too many mental issues to just go and not acknowledge that a problem that only exists in your head is still a problem.

But that’s the thing. It is only in your head. And I know that your own head is usually your worst enemy, your strongest opponent. But imagine constantly having that internal battle and then add a battle with society as a whole and a general problem with something as simple as buying new underwear.

I think thin or ‘average’ people often just don’t realise how emotionally draining it can be to even just plan a shopping trip. I love, love, love shopping. But I can’t just say ‘Okay, I’ll go that this mall today and see what I’ll find’. Depending on what I intend to look for, I need to choose a specific mall, often even visit more than one because every single one of them has three, maybe four places that even cover plus sizes. Just an example: I’ve recently been to three different H&M’s, two of which had no plus size range. So yes, sometimes even the branches of big chains that usually cater to people like me just decide to leave us out, for whatever reason. Imagine how that feels. Imagine walking into your local H&M and look around and everyone already guessing what you’re looking for. That you’re not on the hunt for that perfect sweater, you’re not looking for where they have the winter coats, you’re not trying to find your way to the changing rooms. No, you’re fat and you’re looking for that already rather shameful dark corner that you know will carry something that fill fit over your butt. And of course, you won’t ask. Hell, who would go and ask the perfectly thin, totally fashionable young sales assistant where they’re hiding the plus sizes? But even without that, it’s bloody embarrassing to just quietly slink out of the store with empty hands. (Yes, H&M, I’m a totally satisfied customer, can you tell?)

Of course, it still sucks not being able to find something you like because you don’t like yourself in it. Of course, that’s painful. Of course, it’s hard to deal with your own reflection in the mirror when you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s too large, too thin, too short or too anything for your personal taste. And this is not me playing the good old ‘Who Has It Worse?’ game.

I just really need people to understand that not liking your own body and being told that you have the wrong body are too different things and quite often, for us fat people, these two come together. That’s why I sometimes roll my eyes at my friends or why I sometimes need to count to ten before I give their body issues a second thought. It isn’t because I’m not taking them serious. That’s just me allowing myself a second or two to wish I only had my own insecurities to fight and not a whole fashion industry and society in general.

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Categories: Me Myself and I | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

This Is Personal

New blog design, yay. Not sure if I really like the background, though. It’s cute and fits the subtitle but I think I’ll look for something nicer eventually.

The header picture, though, is important. It’s my favorite picture from Mallorca and it’s supposed to remind me to travel more, do more for myself, do what I need to do and not always consider other people’s interests so much.

I still get so affected by things people say and do. I feel abandoned so often, judged so much, unloved a lot. Sometimes it’s for a reason. Like lately, people often just push me to the sideline. I make it so easy for them because I just don’t complain anymore. It’s never led to anything good so I’ve given up on anything that might cause unnecessary trouble. But this probably makes people think that I don’t mind. I do mind but what can you do?

I also still find it hard to dress and act out of my comfort zone. So I vowed to myself to buy more clothes that are not jeans and t-shirts. I’d seen a gorgeous jumpsuit that I’d tried on a few weeks ago but didn’t buy (because “what would people say?”). Yesterday, I realized how dumb that was and went back to buy the thing. Only it was sold out (boo!). Unhappy as I was, I didn’t want to leave without buying anything so I tried on another jumpsuit and a dress. And I absolutely loved both. I considered buying both but that may have been too much of a splurge. The instant I put the dress on, I was completely smitten. I had only taken it into the changing rooms with me for a laugh, thinking I’d look completely ridiculous in it. It’s floaty and it’s short and it has flowers on it. Just three of the many reasons why I thought I could never pull that stunt off. But I put it on and – wow! I absolutely love it. It makes me look slimmer, it makes my boobs look less gigantic without flattening them, it actually creates a gorgeous waist for me…

I think I’ll go back for the jumpsuit when I get paid, though. It’s so rare that I find things I like myself in.

And hopefully, the dress I ordered from Modcloth will arrive soon, too. I’m so in love with that store, it isn’t even funny anymore. They have the cutest dresses. It’s hard not to give in and place another order before the other even arrives.

Categories: Me Myself and I | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Weigh-In Day II

I’m sorry for not posting this yesterday as planned but I didn’t really get a moment to sit down and write a post.

The last week was both, a disaster and a success. I had the week off and never even made it to the gym. Which is fine considering that I already planned to take time off from work and other things when I’m on vacation.

What wasn’t so cool was that I also let myself go with the eating and the not logging. I think the logging is the main problem. If I get better at that and actually see the calories I’ve consumed black on white on MFP, I’ll automatically eat less because I’ll think twice before eating that ice cream or cake or crisps.

Anyway, I pained for it with a 800g gain. Not cool.

But there were also good thing. First was the booked vacation in September, of course. That led to me going shopping on Thursday, aiming for a swimsuit. Yes, I am gonna bloody get into the pool, maybe even the ocean. I haven’t worn a swimsuit in about ten years and past vacations were spent avoiding the pool like the plague. But now I figured what the hell?! Who cares who sees me? I won’t ever see those people again. Still, shopping for one seemed a bit like a nightmare. I had one from H&M on my mind (that turquoise patterned one?!) but ended up buying the black version of it instead because it looks a lot posher. And also because the turquoise wasn’t available in my size. Which turned out to be a devastating 54, the biggest one. I used to be down to a 48 and looking forward to shopping outside the plus size department! That came as another wake up call (how many do I need?). I’m gonna try to lose as much weight and shape up as much as possible until Mallorca. Which may lead to the suit being loose but HAHA, I’m smart and I have an old smaller one just in case. Although my new, pretty one is shaped so nicely that it’d still look good, I’m sure. And, if I do say so, I don’t look so bad in it. I’m no Beyoncé but it’s not a nightmare like I thought it’d be.

Categories: Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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