Posts Tagged With: Crazy Cat Lady

Online Dating or Why I Became A Crazy Cat Lady

I spent most of my life being a single. Unlike a lot of other women, I never had a big problem with that. There’ve always been times when I craved a hug or a cuddle or kissing or making out or plain and simple steamy sex. But those have come and gone like other cravings, sometimes fulfilled, sometimes not. When I was in a relationship, I’d crave being single in return. In conclusion, I’m not desperate. I’m not waiting or looking, I’m just living and taking life as it comes. Nevertheless, I’m very much all over the Internet. I blog, I play online games, I have profiles on various social media sites – so it was only a matter of time until I would give online dating a try.

Although it wasn’t originally my idea. It started as a laugh and the one responsible for me even learning about the different websites is my dear friend Annette. She’s usually a lot more curious and casual about meeting new people and trying new things than I am and one day we met for lunch and she started telling me about all these freaks sending her creepy messages. She wasn’t appalled, though, but rather amused. She also told me about the few nice guys she was talking to and had actually met, and eventually she entered a relationship with one of them. Reason enough for me to become curious.

Now, as I mentioned before I’m not desperate. I don’t mind dying alone and my dead body being eaten by my cats. At least not enough to want to pay for online matches or being tricked into paying a fortune for nothing. Lucky for me, there are a lot of free websites. When I started writing this post, I wondered if I should fork out the links but to be honest, I can’t recommend any of them with a good conscience. If you’re really curious or in the mood to see humanity at its worst, feel free to use Google, it’s how I found the websites myself.

I made sure to only sign up on international websites because I’m not good at expressing myself in German. Which sounds freaky, I know, because it is my mother tongue. But for some reason, I just really hate every word that comes out of my mouth when I’m trying to have a serious or emotional conversation with someone. And also – and this sounds even worse – I can’t relate to most Germans. At least not on a romantic or sexual level. Which online dating is all about. So, international it was. The problem with that is when you’re using a website that is international and free, you’re stuck between two options: Do you want to seem racist because you block certain countries or dig through dozens of messages from scammers every single day? Most start with the latter but end up blocking a bunch of countries anyway. I’ve blocked some on occasion but usually took it back a day later because I feel it isn’t fair.

The first decision I needed to make was “Picture or no picture?” Showing your mug anywhere on the Internet always means you’re risking to be recognized. It is unlikely that someone from my job or anyone I know will come across my profile and even so, how bad would that really be? And yet, it still seems like a terrible scenario. But, gathering all my courage, I chose to add a picture of myself anyway. As far as social media or other online profiles are concerned, nothing bothers me more than people not providing a picture of themselves. It’s not so much a matter of me wanting to see and judge their looks but I automatically wonder what they’re doing with that profile that makes them feel so ashamed they don’t want their real identity to be associated with it. Are they lying about who they are? Are they looking for someone to fulfill weird sexual cravings? Maybe looking to commit a crime. Oh my god, are they serial killers? See, there are a million and one bad things not having a profile picture will make people think about you. And if you’re being honest on your profile and you treat people decently and respectfully, there’s really no reason why you would not want them to see your face. I am, however, not free of vanity. And of course, I uploaded one of the few pictures of myself that I actually like. I admit I’m wearing quite a bit of makeup in it. But then again, I wear quite a bit of makeup on a daily basis, so it’s not like that picture is showing a different person. And really, are those guys real that you read about on the Internet? Who think wearing thick eyeliner and bright lipstick is a matter of lying to them? Do they really assume those are natural when they see us with them? Of course, there’s a plainer version of us underneath!

Filling out out the profile was even harder. What do you write in there? Are you gonna be honest or sugarcoat things? Do you write a few noncommittal things and risk to blend right in with the mass of other profiles? I chose to be honest, listing flaws and much as strengths. And you know what? It really doesn’t matter because no one actually reads your profile. In response, I got a bunch of messages on all websites I registered with. If I had to divide them, I’d say they were about 75% pure despair. People from poor countries or with such low self-esteem, they probably wrote to everyone on that website in the hope of getting lucky with someone. I’d say there was a mere 1% who did not start with complimenting my appearance or otherwise just addressing a superficial issue. Yes, that’s how few people actually bothered to read the profile, take a moment to think about it and then come up with something they wanted to tell me based on what I’d written. That’s terrible! What’s worse, even going by my picture, it would be obvious for most of them that no, we aren’t a match. I chose a picture in which you can see my tattoos and piercing and I’m wearing bright lipstick and dark eye makeup. In my profile, I wrote that I like rock music and tattoos and that I’m not, definitely not, traditional in any way. And guess what? The majority of guys who wrote me were people who used a neat business profile picture, of them wearing dull and grey suits and their profile was basically a list of their professional achievements. When I could be bothered to reply and I asked them to tell me a little about themselves, I’d get a rerun of that. “Hi, my name is Bob and I’m a business consultant.” “Hi Bob, I’m Kathy and I’m a person, not a job.”

The first website I signed up with turned out to be the most appalling, too. First of all, it lets you send as many messages as you want to anyone you want for free. That’s good, right? No, because in order for you to read the message, one of you has to be a paying member. This doesn’t stop a bunch of free users from messaging me anyway, trying to squeeze their Skype or Kik ID into the short character limit of the free message preview.

That’s an issue anyway. The majority of guys would ask for a contact outside of the dating website right there in their first message, usually Skype or some other means of communication involving a cam. Sure, because I’m so terribly keen on having someone see me in a ratty old t-shirt and obscenely dirty sweatpants on a Saturday night. Or, worse, have a stranger wave their dick at me via webcam. Thanks, but no, thanks! If you can’t express yourself in writing, I’m not interested in a more personal contact.

That’s another thing. Most of the guys on those websites seem to be under the impression that text lingo and the lack of punctuation or any recognizable grammar or sentence structure makes them absolutely irresistible. God’s gift to women even! I’m sorry to burst your bubble, gentlemen, but nope. Nope, nope, nope!

And then, well, there’s this…

Why? How? What?

That escalated quickly, right? Maybe I’m being dense but what’s the author of these gems trying to tell me? “I took the time to register on this website and even though there are other free places that would probably make it easier for me to get some play, I chose this one. Because I’m dumb, LOL.” Or maybe “I’m interested in you but I want to make it clear from the start that I don’t respect you enough to try and make proper conversation.” Who knows? He’s a real keeper, right?

But he’s nothing compared to the real gem I found on the next website I signed up with.

Beautiful, right? Let’s forget about the fact that he was a guy from South America whose English was quite poor. I’m pretty sure that there’s no culture or language in the world where this would be an okay thing to say to a stranger. Probably not even to a friend. So, does he belong in the lack of respect category as well? I don’t even know. This is so wrong and so…absurd that I don’t even know where to begin listing the many things that are wrong with it.

And that’s not even the worst about that website. That would be them automatically setting you up for an email notification every time someone likes your profile. The subject of that email says ‘Hurry to see if you like them back’. Hurry! What is this? A race? Do I have to go and lick the finest piece of meat before anyone else gets a chance? This is so wrong! And what will happen if I don’t? Am I destined to die alone? You know what? I’ll gladly live and die alone if the alternative is spending the rest of eternity with a guy who ‘likes farts from big bubble grande ass’, thank you very much!

P.S.: No, I couldn’t be bothered to meet any of these gems and with every single notification that pops up in my inbox, this seems more attractive:

Categories: Me Myself and I | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Caturday VI

This young lady has a new obsession

A couple years ago, my neighbor got a new tomcat. All the other cats in this house are female and the poor chap got his fair share of abuse from them. It’s safe to say he’s not a ladies man because instead of making them all swoon, every single cat he comes across turns into a rabid psycho bitch.

Until recently, my ladies were quite unaffected by that. They’re the only ones who live in an upstairs flat and he never found his way up here. Until about four months ago when he figured out that with a little bit of willpower, he could jump his way up to my balcony.

It started one fine weekend morning when I thought the end of the world had come because I was woken up by a diabolical noise from the kitchen. Upon further inspection, it was Äffchen screaming at what I thought were birds. But no, it was this poor little guy. At first, I think he got the shock of his life and disappeared quite quickly. But curiosity got the best of him and he was back a few days later. After a few visits he figured out that yes, Äffchen does have a few anger management problems, but he was perfectly fine behind the glass.

He’d come back more and more frequently. He tried hissing and bitching back but soon settled for staring at her stoically while she freaked out on the other side of the glass.

I thought that her behaving like this was a matter of defending her territory. I may think I’m in control and reigning over this place, especially because I hold the power over the balcony door and thus decide when she can even go out there but nope, obviously she’s the queen of this place and a stranger like him can’t just walk in on us like that. While that may be true, by now I believe there’s some secret little obsession building inside that tiny (though slightly chubby by now) body of my little feline. And it may be mutual. Jacomo (that’s her love interest’s name) comes over twice a day by now, whenever he gets the chance. And for the rest of the time, Äffchen sits by the balcony door and fixes his usual spot outside with a longing gaze. She spends hours sitting there, sort of on and off until it gets dark. Then she knows he won’t come because he gets called inside for dinner and a night in. When usually my cat would settle next to me for a “Welcome Home”-session of Murder, She Wrote reruns after work, she can now be found in the kitchen every afternoon. I feel cheated on!

I fear the time summer comes along and I’ll let her outside. Given the nature of their relationship thus far, I guess she’ll tear out his throat in a dramatic show of her affection.

Categories: Feline Companions | Tags: , , , | 5 Comments

It’s Caturday IV

One thing that always puzzles me is when people tell me they mustn’t touch their cats’ bellies unless they’re ready to face death.

Not only don’t my cats mind where I pet them, quite often they’ll actually present me their bellies to be petted there. And even when it’s not a specific “Belly Rub Day”, they don’t care either way. They don’t care if I touch their legs or tail, either. Sometimes Äffchen is in a playful mood and will slap my hand but not because she minds being touched in that specific place but more because…well, she just wants to.

I didn’t ‘train’ them to be like that, they just are. And it is so strange because apparently, it is rare that a cat won’t mind. And yet, both of mine are like that. I swear, they’re not cats, their alien life forms!

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It’s Caturday III

Best Friends

Best Friends

I think what most non-cat people underestimate is the soothing effect cats have on the soul. The noises they make, their gentle touches, the calm and quiet presence. Whenever I have a particularly bad day, I try to focus on my cats. I watch them sleeping next to me or pet them and listen to their quiet purring.

People say that cats are independent and will leave if they can. But I sincerely doubt that when I see the way they live with me. They’re not just hanging around waiting to be fed. They sit close to me even after they’ve just had dinner, they remind me of their presence and come to me if they want to play or be petted. Just because they don’t do tricks like a dog doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with their humans. They’re not demanding but they just like being close to me.

And they’re really good listeners. Not because I think they understand me but because rest peacefully and purr when I’m talking to them, just letting me rant on and on. The more I talk to them, the more relaxed they get and that just helps. Like a quiet therapist. Cheaper, too. 🙂

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It’s Caturday II

Spot the kitty

Spot the kitty

The little furry star of today’s post is Äffchen, the youngest member of our little household.

‘Äffchen’ is German for little monkey. Originally, I had planned to name her Audrey after the gorgeous and amazing Audrey Hepburn. Well, the name stuck for about two days before it became clear that my new little kitten wasn’t anything close to a graceful lady like that. So she was nameless for almost a full week until I started calling her ‘Äffchen’ which was originally meant to be a little nickname but then stuck with us. There really is no name that could be any more fitting for her. She looks like a little monkey with her brown fur and skinny, lanky body. And she acts like it, too.

I got her in 2011. After I had lived alone with Sally as my only cat, I figured she needed a companion for the long hours that I spend at work and otherwise away from home. Our first try had failed when I got Emily and she, too, ended up liking my mother a lot more than me and fighting with Sally a lot. That was in 2010 and it took me a year before I dared another try. Looking back, I’d say the second try was even more of a risk and I should have learned from my first mistake. A co-worker told me about a farmer / restaurant owner who had a cat that had recently given birth and who wanted to drown the remaining kitten if he didn’t find a home for it. So I drove there on the same night.

When I got there, he showed me this hyper little brown bundle that was jumping around outside the barn. She was entirely fearless and so friendly. It took me about five seconds to decide there was no way I was gonna leave her there. On the way home, I started having a few doubts. What if Sally didn’t like her? And indeed, the first day was hard for them. Äffchen is just generally very friendly and open. She sees you, she wants to play with you. But whenever she approached Sally, she’d hiss at her. Not in a really angry way and she didn’t hit her or bite but she just went around the place hissing. By now I’ve learned that it isn’t uncommon at all. Many cats react like that and for the most part, it’s best to just leave them be and deal with things in their own time. Which I did and after a day, they started accepting each other. I won’t lie, they still fight sometimes. Mostly playful fighting, but sometimes they get angry at each other, too, like most roomies. Most of it is probably down to Sally being five years older and a much calmer character. Äffchen just wants to play a lot and she’s very hyper. Sometimes Sally just watches her and endures it but on bad days, she’ll snap. As will I. It happens.

Äffchen really is the most peculiar little cat I know. It starts with her appearance. She’s a German Rex (or at least she looks like one) but very small, skinny and with a crazy little build. Really, imagine a monkey and you’ll know what I mean. Her fur is dark and light brown but in her face, she has ginger streaks that look like she’s prepared for war. It’s hard to see in pictures but when you see her in person, it’s obvious. And really, her behavior is not like any cat’s I know. Every other night, she’ll drop one of her toys in front of me so I’ll throw it for her to bring it back. Like a little puppy. Her rightful spot is next to me. And I mean right next to me. Not on the same couch but attached to my thigh.

I just love that little critter.

Categories: Feline Companions | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s Caturday I

I may have mentioned it, you know, once or twice, that I have cats whom I am pretty crazy about. To me, they’re more like roomies than pets. Not even like children because I don’t see them as these small helpless creatures that I have to take care of, but rather like two ladies who are sharing this space with me. They have their own personalities and lives and I like to think they’ve chosen to live with me as much as I chose them.

Anyway, I don’t think they get enough mention in this blog. So today, I am introducing Caturday! Every Saturday, I plan to post something about them. A picture, a story, just a small update how they’re doing. Maybe I’ll have ‘guests appearances’ from the many felines in the neighborhood. We’ll see…

I figured I’ll start by introducing the ladies, starting with my oldest roomy, Sally.

When I was sixteen, my mother finally caved and said we’d get a cat. Up till then, we had rabbits, hamsters, birds…you name it. But I’d always wanted a more independent pet, not just one you look at going about its own business in its cage. A dog was out of the question which I found very upsetting at the time. Cats had never really been in my focus but then my mom started saying that maybe we should get a cat. It wasn’t more than a vague idea until one day, we got a call from a family friend who said that her neighbor – who was involved with a cat rescue place – had a Persian cat that she desperately needed a new home for. And that’s how we got our first cat, a black and white Persian tomcat that looked like he had a freaky white mustache. We got him a day after I broke up with my first boyfriend and at the time, I clung to that cat like he was the best friend I’d ever have. That’s how I became a cat person.

Sally's Favorite Spot

Sally’s Favorite Spot

So, when I moved into my own flat seven years later, before I even knew which colors my walls would be, I knew I’d find feline roommates. The day I moved in, I went to the local rescue shelter to look for a new friend. And that’s how I met Jack and Sally. Originally, to my shame, I was crazy about Jack who was a black long-haired Persian mix. His fur was gorgeous and I kept trying to pet him but he was indifferent about me. Sally, on the other hand, was obsessed with me from the first second. She kept rubbing against me and meowing, as if she was begging me to take her home. And I did.

On our first night together, a water pipe broke in the flat above, flooding my kitchen and forcing me to pack up my things and my new friends and move back in with my mother for a few weeks. During that time, Jack and Sally grew apart as she became more and more obsessed with me and Jack grew particularly fond of my mom. By the time I moved back, I only took Sally with me. And we became the best of friends.

If you look at her, she isn’t special in any way. She’s just this brown and white tabby, regular build, maybe a little small, and one eye dull from a former injury. But spend an hour with her and you’ll find she’s the friendliest, cuddliest, most loyal cat in the world. She never gets angry or will hiss at you. Admittedly, playing with her leaves me with scratches all over the place, but that is because she is unable to draw her claws back in. It’s actually quite cute because it sounds like she’s wearing tiny heels when she’s walking around my wooden floors. She used to be so playful and hyper but now that she’s seven, she’s calmed down a lot. There are still moments when I fear she’ll take this place apart but mostly, she just likes to sleep, cuddle and eat. And eat she will. Anything and everything. Lately, I caught her eating cherries. Cherries!!

So that’s Sally, who’s probably my best friend in the world.

Categories: Feline Companions | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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