This week sucks. Things at work just keep getting gradually worse and worse, we’re drowning in calls and everyone is just on edge all the time. My co-worker is driving me up the wall and – while I understand that he’s stressed – I keep wondering what he thinks his job is all about. In his mind, it must be something that requires him being permanently attached to his cell phone.
But the worst, the absolute cherry on top happened today and I’m still cringing just thinking about it. It was worst case scenario for me and my social anxiety.
I had to write a business letter to a customer. And that’s one thing I’m actually good at. I can never relate when people tell me writing them takes ages. Even writing job applications was easy for me. I just whipped them up and spent more time thinking about the layout of the letter than the actual content. That’s how easy business correspondence comes to me. So I write this letter, print it, have half an anxious breakdown because the stupid printer wouldn’t print it perfectly straight, thought about running to the next tech store to buy a new printer with my own money, then settled for printing it again another two dozen times until it was perfectly aligned. Because – I kid you not – last time I gave a letter to my boss that wasn’t absolutely straight, he got mad at me. Like ‘you ate my firstborn’ mad.
So I took this perfect letter to him – and there was a damn typo in the address!
He looked at me like I was dumb and then actually said “What’s wrong with you?” I am not perfectly sure that he wasn’t kidding. But seriously, the guy is so intimidating, we have such a bad history of misunderstandings, disagreements and just plain awkwardness; I just don’t know what to make of it. That comment just ruined me. I’m sure I blushed like an idiot and, as if the situation wasn’t bad enough, mumbled something about not getting enough sleep. Why did I even apologize? For a typo? Why am I not the cool and nonchalant type of person who shrugs it off and tells him to relax, mistakes are human? I am nearly sure that he already thinks I’m an idiot and I just go and prove it to him.
Why, oh why am I so lame? And why do I get so intimidated by people like him? So he’s my boss, yeah, but this wasn’t even a shitty boss-employee-situation. It was just mean and wrong and I would have been totally right to at least be casual about it. But nope.
I wanna quit and never work again and spend the rest of my life on the couch and just watch television and eat junk food and hope that I’ll be something like a red panda in my next life. They are cute but they live in solitude and no one ever asks them why they’re not good with others of their kind.
//Image source: giphy.com