Ugh, it’s just one of those days!
I can’t seem to stop eating. And not the good stuff, either. I went grocery shopping this morning and because it was sort of a last minute decision, I hadn’t written down a list of things I needed. So I filled the cart with candy and carbs. And I forgot to check the produce section completely. Yes, I forgot. It’s partly blamed on the store for having another layout than the other stores of the chain which all have the produce near the entrance but really, how can I forget to buy fruit or veggies? How can I not even consider there’s something wrong with the contents of my cart when there’s nothing but candy and junk food and frozen goods in there?
But the day just went on like this. I keep eating and snacking. I had fries for lunch – because it was convenient – and a donut later – because it was there – and now I keep thinking of the white chocolate desserts in the fridge – because I’m not-exactly-hungry-but-not-full-either. It’s so hard to fight the inner glutton when it is that strong.
But anyway, the other day, I took a proper “Before” picture that’s better than other “Before” pictures because it also shows some of my body’s actual shape. It’s important to note that what I’m most self-conscious about and what’s giving me the most grief with my shopping are my impossibly wide hips and – even worse – the flabby skin on my belly. For the most part, that skin is still left over from my weight loss thus far. Though I’ve gained a lot back after starting the insulin therapy, I am still about 20kg lighter than before my diagnose. Plus, that skin was dead anyway, so much like no exercise will make it go away, neither will weight gain. So it’s basically just there and the reason why I’m wearing about two sizes larger than I’d actually require. I thought about checking in with my doctor and insurance to see if I could already get surgery for that now but I don’t know how much flabby skin I’ll have hanging off my body once I lose more weight and I don’t want to go and have a second surgery because of my own impatience. It’s annoying and in the way a lot but doesn’t justify the hassle just yet.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll have to go in for a chat with my diabetes doc. I guess it’s reasonable that she asked to see me after, what, a year? Plus, my hba1c wasn’t all that great the past few times, so I know I should change something. That something is most likely not to slack so much when it comes to checking my blood sugar and actually injecting some insulin right away rather than saying I’ll do it later, “when it is more convenient”. But I also feel that something is off with the rates she prescribed. I have this smart little gadget that tells me how much insulin I need according to the prescribed rates and the current blood sugar but when I listen to its suggestion and don’t adjust the amount a bit, I’m almost always ending up with a BS below 70. So yeah, it is needed but it also means I’ll have to get up at seven to be there at eight when I won’t even have to start work early. Boo-fucking-hoo!