New Again

I don’t think I need to say that I was feeling pretty low last night.

When I woke up this morning, after the first few blissful moments of ignorance, of having forgotten about the night before, when the world is just fine, it all came back and I started to feel the pain again. But this morning, somehow, I managed to turn it into a burning rage. I was feeling so much anger inside me, I could have strangled innocent people just for the sake of it.

And, perhaps ironically, for the first time ever I decided to turn this anger into something useful. I went to the gym. And boy, did I work the shit out of myself. I’ve never sweated so much. In fact, the weird thing about me is that I’m a fatty, five minutes on any machine are so much harder for me than your average person, and yet I don’t sweat. Even after thirty minutes, I only ever get to a light sheen of sweat, even though my pulse is at a pretty high point. Today, I just didn’t even check my pulse or care if I dropped dead, I just went for it. This time I also heaved my fat butt up onto one of the stationary bikes. Usually I use the ones where you lie back because I am so afraid of people watching me climb the other ones. Today I didn’t give a damn. For some reason, I thought the seat would be a problem for my big butt but it was alright. I’d even go as far to say I’d liked it better than the other bikes.

And then, because I’ve done so well (and because I deserve it, dammit!), I treated myself to these. I’m not usually patient enough to do a lot of nail art but decals are fun. They’re just hard to come by here, unless you want always the same crap like hearts or flowers. So when I came across these, I squealed. Admittedly, the inverted cross is a bit pointless because it is a cross, duh! You can turn it any way you want, even wear it upright, but I liked that the person made the point in the auction because you get a ton of stuff with regular crosses everywhere but not enough inverted crosses that are not part of some hideous gothic clothing. I also really love the shade of nail polish they used.

Categories: Me Myself and I, Weight Loss | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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