I think I may have to invest in a personal trainer or something. Only one that doesn’t only kick my butt into gear when it comes to working out but in all aspects of my life. I’m so bad at sticking to my own resolutions and promises and, worse, I suck at motivating myself. I kept thinking that maybe I hadn’t found the right kind of motivation, yet. But honestly, I’m 30. What do I think is gonna happen that hasn’t happened in the past three decades? Possibly something terrible like a stroke or a heart attack, which isn’t very unlikely with my terrible lifestyle. But truth be told, I doubt even that would keep me focused on getting better for a long time.
I was supposed to go to the gym yesterday. I had made plans to meet a friend there. But, get this, I cancelled because I need new gym shoes. Yup. The same shoes I’ve always worn aren’t good enough anymore. They’ve always been a bit uncomfortable, I admit that. I bought them a size too small because they weren’t available in my size and I just loved them so much. And yes, on the eliptical, they got even more uncomfortable. So if I’m gonna start using the treadmill like I planned, I will have to invest in a new pair eventually. But I’m sure it wouldn’t have killed me to postpone that purchase and just deal with this for now. But nope, I cancelled. Then went into town for dinner (I had a salad, so that’s something, right? Right?) and to buy a new pair. I spent about an hour trying on shoes, fifteen minutes of which or so were actually spent on gym shoes. Then I bought a pair of bright pink flip flops for the summer which will probably never get here. That’s it. In my defence, all the available and affordable gym shoes were just as bad as the ones I have at home, so it would have been a waste of money. But I didn’t even make an attempt to go to another place…or even thought of gym shoes anymore. I even went so far to postpone my workout till next week so I get more time to look for new shoes. Instead of calling my friend to tell her we’ll go on Sunday, with old or new shoes.
What I’m trying to say here is: Why the heck is it so hard to just get it done and stay on focus? I get that people lose their way for example when they’re trying to go vegetarian and aren’t facing animal cruelty everyday. It’s so easy to forget about all the good reasons you have for changing your ways when you’re not constantly reminded of them. But I see my good reason every single day. I only need to look in the mirror. No, actually I only need to look down my own body and I can see several reasons. Yet, it seems so much easier to spend a lot of time and energy on finding excuses than just getting it over with.
So…I need something to come to my door every single day and drag me to the gym or go for a walk or…something. They also need to magically appear each time I’m about to pop something unhealthy into my mouth and slap it out of my hand. And while they’re at it, they can also tell me to clean this, clean that, tidy up, just get off my butt and do something productive.