Pop Kids Signed Copy

Pop Kids Signed Copy

I finally got my signed copy of “Pop Kids” last week. It still fills me with an excited feeling to know that someone I admire as much as Davey touched it. It also smells a bit of oriental spices and made me wonder if he’d been eating Indian or otherwise Asian food while signing all the pre-ordered books. It makes me feel like I’m thirteen but I still enjoy little daydreams like that. After I’d touched, photographed and sniffed it, it went straight onto the shelf, though. This is so not me. Usually, I treat my books quite poorly, I’m sorry to say, and I think my shelf is filled with what can only be described as paper veterans. Somehow, they’ve survived me reading them.

I’m not gonna go as far as to say that it had anything to do with this book – some kind of ‘epiphany’ maybe – but last week, I also figured I’m a terrible failure as far as losing weight and being healthy goes. I hadn’t even checked my weighed in weeks. So I decided to do so on Friday morning and make Fridays my weigh-in day. It’s quite convenient because if I’m gonna have a cheat day, it’s probably on a weekend and I can have that after weighing in. The result wasn’t quite as bad as I’d feared but it was still terrible. I don’t know. For every kilogram I lose, I seem to gain three more. Each time I’m a little successful, I get even worse after that. I even thought of trying to talk to my doctor about it and ask if she thinks I should see a therapist. I’m nowhere near as down or depressed as I used to be ten years back and yet, it seems like a totally psychological thing. I have no problem understanding what I need to do and why. but while I sit and think that I should probably have a light soup for dinner, I reach for the take away menu and call them. And while I think about going back to the gym, I stuff my face with icecream and chocolate. But I don’t know, just the thought of trying to find a therapist I could trust exhausts me…

At the moment, I’m totally motivated to do something again, though. I found some nice recipes for smoothies that are easy to make and actually quite tasty and I’m trying to replace the occasional meal with them. I think you’re supposed to replace one meal per day, preferably lunch, but seems too much like a diet to me. I don’t want to do something like that and then get sick of it. But two or three times a week, I could probably do without feeling terrible about it. The smoothies are also quite filling because they contain ingredients like oatmeal, bananas, almonds, etc. Each has about 500ml and I feel quite full for a few hours afterwards. I may be able to stick to this for a while and then maybe mix it up with a few other light recipes on days when I’m not in a smoothie mood.

Also – and this is gonna make me sound like such a sorry little person – I’ve found a picture of him with a girl who looks exactly like I would love to look with about half my weight off. She was thin, yes, but not model-thin and not fake-perfect, just…natural. And I know I could be pretty in a similar way. I’m not ugly, I just find it hard to smile when I hate the way I look so much. It’s stupid because even if I was exactly like her, he wouldn’t want me, I’m sure. But maybe it’s that I feel like maybe I could find someone like him or maybe because if I was thinner, at least I could say it isn’t because I’m a fatty and it isn’t only about me. I have no idea. But that picture was a huge inspiration for me to get serious about this again. I just really want to look better and be happy…

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Categories: Bookworm, Me Myself and I | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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