A lot of things have rattled the cage that is my little world lately…
I’ve received a blast from the past, so to speak, that came quite unexpected and was not entirely unpleasant but awkward. You know the “What if…?” games you play with yourself? When you play it all through in your head and you’re sure you got it all down and you know exactly what you would say or do? And then it happens and it’s nothing like that at all. I’m not upset with how things did work out but I haven’t wrapped my head around it all so far.
Then the thing that I’ve been looking forward to forever now happened: Davey Havok finally released his book. Now, I know we’ve only known about it since February. But I’ve been hoping, praying for him to release some kind of written art at some point. A book, poems – even an official blog would have been fine. I pre-ordered the book, of course, but then couldn’t wait and got it on my Kindle, too. I’m not sure I would have wanted to ruin my signed pre-order copy with my fingerprints anyway. It’s another thing I haven’t fully grasped, yet. I finished reading it today but I’m still not sure what to think. It’s not a question of whether I think it’s good or not. I love it! But it was also so dirty on so many different levels that I hadn’t expected even though I’ve been following the guy for years. I’ve listened to his tongue-in-cheek lyrics, I’ve heard him speak of several kinds of fetishes in interviews… It really shouldn’t have been such a surprise. But it’s different to read about it all in so much detail. And I know he said the book isn’t autobiographical. But there are so many parallels between the story of this book and what things appeared to have been like when he was a teenager, or even now when he’s hanging with his friends. It’s so hard to see the protagonist, Michael, and him as two different persons. The almost-vegan lifestyle, the fashion sense, the obsession with being center stage… I don’t know, I just had to actively remind myself that I wasn’t reading his old personal journal or maybe even a current blog. Maybe that’s what made all the sex scenes so hard to stomach. When I was a kid, I had a rabbit that I absolutely adored. One day, however, the rabbit started humping my foot and I found it so hard to accept he was still my little furry friend despite his…urges. This feels like a similar situation and I need to get over this before I can fully digest the – amazing! – commentary and criticism on the Web 2.0 Generation. So yeah…it wasn’t at all what I expected but I feel like that’s the best thing that could have happened. When someone you look up to and who is one of your favorite people still manages to surprise you, it’s definitely a good thing.
Oh, and my digital California money pot – also referred to as “The Savings Account” – has been filling up nicely. I got a decent tax return last month and then, fully unexpected, I got a letter from my landlord today, informing me that he’ll also pay me back a generous amount of money from the maintenance costs that I apparently paid way too much of. I have no idea about these things and I tend not to question them when they’re good, but I’m slightly paranoid that he’ll find out he’s made a mistake. Two years ago I had to pay a huge additional sum, then last year I got a nice one back and this year, the refund has doubled. I shall make sure to transfer it to the Savings Account as quickly as possible in case he wants it back. Either way, that means I have suddenly got half the amount I’ll need for the trip to California and it’s driving me insane that I have to wait so long now!