I’m gonna be a bad friend for a moment and say: Whyyyyyy? Why are my friends so goddamn lucky all the time?
This outburst was brought on by me spending this day with a really dear friend of mine who’s recently fallen in love. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy for her. I am. I think. The thing is that it’s a really strange story. First of all, she was the least likely out of all of my friends that I would have guessed to find someone anytime soon. Because she herself was so anti-love all the time. And still is, by the way. And then, one day she’s bitching about men and about how she’ll prefer being alone forever over choosing “someone” and a couple days later she tells me that she’s head over heels with a guy she’s met on the Internet. Another couple days later, she asks me whether I know anything about our immigration law. And another day later, he’s booked a flight to come see her. Apart from being jealous about everyone finding someone they’re crazy about, I’m worried about her. She’s not the kind of person I could talk any sense into, mind you. But I’m still quite anxious about all these plans of theirs. The smallest issue could be that it doesn’t work out because of a number of reasons. The worst that could happen…well, I’m sure we’ve all seen enough horror movies to see where this could be going.
I’m not mad at her and really, if this works out, I’m the first to congratulate them on their wedding day. But these things always make me wonder what I have going for myself. And I’m not even “that kind of girl”. I’m not the type that desperately wants to be in a relationship. But when these things happen to my friends, even I can’t help but wonder…
Currently, I have Facebook Guy whom I can’t grasp at all. Is he interested in me as a girl or in me as a person in general? Is it a buddy kind of thing? Would I even be interested? I have no idea but currently, he’s this nice person I have nerdy conversations about books and music with.
Then I have Married Guy who’s recently started reaching out to me again but I keep him at arm’s length. Because…well, he’s married. It was fun for a while and I still can’t say that morals are my big issue here. But married means taken and therefore an enormous piece of work if I ever want him for myself. Mission Impossible, I daresay.
These are my “realistic” options at the moment. And neither seems particularly appealing. Then there’s my issue with Germans. I am German myself, I live in Germany, I speak the language fluently…but I find it impossible to talk to a member of the opposite sex in German. At least not when I’m interested. I don’t know if that includes me not being interested in German-speaking men or if it’s just a language thing. I’ve never tried talking to them in English, so I wouldn’t know. But I suppose if I suggest that, the interest on their side is gonna drop rapidly anyway. Lunacy rarely seems attractive…
Gah, I’m driving myself insane!
And it doesn’t help but that I’ve been playing Flu Ping Pong with my mom these past two weeks. My whole head feels like it’s stuffed with a bunch of tampons and I survive by taking flu meds all the time. *sniff* But at least it earned me two days off last week.