Two things happened today:
- I was running late and digging through my closet to come up with a pair of pants. I came across one that used to fit me so loosely, it almost slipped past my crack on numerous occasions, hence ending up somewhere in the back of my closet. Since I was so pressed for time and the floor of my bedroom, the bathroom and the laundry basket are full of clothes in desperate need to take a spin in the washing machine, I decided to put them on anyway. And it fit! Completely and maybe even a tiny bit tight when I sit down. I wanted to hurl myself off the balcony.
- Later, at work, I went to the restrooms and after washing my hands, I caught sight of my own profile in the mirror. I do not have a pot belly, I do not have love handles, I do not have a muffin top…what I have is the upper part of my belly
squeezingoozing out of the top of my pants, then falling over the edge and flopping down like a giant third saggy breast. Eww, eww, eww!
If that isn’t a wake up call, then what is?
In response to my own shock, I’ve been doing pretty well all day. And I also planned ahead, using the food diary on MyFitnessPal. But then again, at this time tomorrow, it was the same. Then I got home, head a giant portion of brussels sprouts and meat balls, followed by 200g of chocolate. Because I just can’t ever resist. It was there, so it had to be eaten. On the upside, there’s no candy left at home. So I can’t slip, even if I want to. And I’ve already planned to have a pizza for dinner (oh god!) and it’s within the calories, so dear body, that shall satisfy your hunger for junk food for today!
It’s so crazy! I’m so disgusted by myself. I hate having experiences like today. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. And yet, it never seems to be reason enough to just change. And I’m using the word “just” loosely. I know it won’t happen overnight and that it isn’t easy. But I also know what I must do and how I should do it and yet, I never seem to get there and stay there for long.
I don’t wanna be the Elephant Lady! 😦