Sometimes, losing a friend is worse than a break-up. And I’m the worst kind of Bridget Jones when it comes to kissing people goodbye. I cry and I freak out and I mope and I get depressed.

But sometimes, you just have to realize that things have to come to an end because they’re not good for you. Without putting the blame on either side or being unnecessarily melodramatic about it, it’s important to be honest to yourself and see that both sides may not be so good for each other at the time being. But it’s hard, so hard.

So I spent the past couple days moping, without really being honest about it and calling it what it was. But essentially, that’s what I’ve been doing. I made several attempts at writing upbeat – and sometimes downright depressing – blog entries, tried to do something besides eat, watch TV, play computer games and read. I’ve rediscovered my love for Tropico, a game which lets me release my anger without too much violence. I didn’t leave the house all weekend and last night, my pity fest came to it’s much anticipated climax when I dug out my crêpes-maker and stuffed myself with the sweet treat. Nothing cheers me up like just about anything made with cinnamon. It was either that or an extended shopping trip. And since I’m struggling with my money this month – as if weight wasn’t an issue – I decided to eat, eat, eat. Although, quite surprisingly, I didn’t do that bad. I stopped at two of them and besides those, I only had breakfast and a light dinner. Thanks to my stomach cramps, I did feel completely filled and stuffed by that, though. And while I was lying on my couch, wishing for death to come get me, I started to come to terms with the loss of a valued friendship. What’s over, is over. For now.

The downside is that it feels like I had no weekend at all. It went by in a blur, my flat looks like something furry exploded in it (I have checked on the cats, all is well), all I really managed to do was finish my first book of the year. I had meant to catch one of the dozens of movies I wanna see but never made it out of the house. I had also meant to work out to proceed in my Me vs. Jillian Michaels quest but nope, no energy. And because I can’t handle so much fun at once, I actually bought a software to do my income taxes which I will do after work today. Woo hoo! On the plus side, this will mean extra money to go straight to my savings account. California, here we I come!

I am so, so ready to go on vacation, or maybe just a short trip somewhere. I know I shouldn’t because I desperately need to save every little cent for Cali. But I would love to just go somewhere for a day or two. It wouldn’t even have to be an overnight trip. There are a lot of pretty place that can be reached within two or three hours from here by car. Only in Winter, they’re not all that great. Maybe I’ll squeeze in a little trip to Königswinter or Venlo in my week off.

Categories: Me Myself and I, Wanderlust | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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