So…October 31st! This means I’m getting anxious now. Tomorrow is the first day of National Novel Writers Month, as every November. And I’ve decided to participate.

The first time I tried was four years ago and it’s needless to say I failed. I made it to about 200 words before I got distracted and bored. I love writing but my problem is that I’m not a big fan of my own style. I’ve read numerous interviews with famous authors who all said the same about their writing so I know I shouldn’t be too concerned. But it’s still so hard not to cringe when I read what I’ve written. The other big problem I have is that I tend to stay within my comfort zone. Which are long descriptions of settings and feelings and, honestly, smut scenes. I’m good at making people copulate in writing. Which comes in handy because the main thing I write these days is fan fiction. Slash for the most part but het as well. And usually with a lot of adult content. I still enjoy writing that but it leads me nowhere and it isn’t a challenge anymore. I have a lot of good ideas for plots but never really play them out to their full extent because I’m afraid of making mistakes or getting stuck. Which is stilly because no one gets to read of drafts and I can always correct, edit and delete things.

So in that sense, NaNoWriMo will be more than just a ‘I’m trying to write a lot and finish my novel’ challenge. I’ll also try to put in more action, put emphasis on the right scenes, elaborate on my own story line more than I used to.

What I’m stuck on right now is that it’s under 12 hours till NaNoWriMo begins and I haven’t decided on what I wanna write, yet. I’ve had so many ideas from cute love stories to shocking horror gore to action-packed crime. But I just can’t decide which idea I want to follow and make happen in this context. Part of me thinks I shouldn’t aim too high because there’s hardly any time left for research and for bigger things set in a different time or in a field that I’m not familiar with yet, I’ll need to check on a lot of details for it to be believable. I’m not aiming for a bestseller here. Mainly, right now, I’d just like to give me self-confidence a little boost with finishing this project. Then maybe I can aim for a high quality piece of work next year. But that doesn’t mean I want to write a completely silly piece and make stupid mistakes like have my characters use a phone when my story is set in a time a few decodes prior the invention of the telephone. You know, just stupid mistakes like that which really bug you when you notice them, even though they make no real difference for the story line. I just don’t want to be ‘that kind of writer’.

And the last big thing I need to decide on is language. I’m German but writing in English is what is coming to me naturally by now. I even think in English. But I’ve also always wanted to try and write something in German. Fan fiction isn’t exactly where I could do that because everything I write about hardly ever concerns any non-German people. So this would be the perfect time. Only, I’m not sure I need another challenge in this…challenge.

I’m gonna go and toy with some ideas now, take some notes, try to get some kind of structure. I never work well with structures. Usually, I start out and see where the story takes me. But more often than not, I get lost along the way and don’t know where to take my idea. So I’m gonna write myself a little guide just to make sure I know where to go with this.

Most likely, this blog will be filled with me whining about never getting anywhere, getting stuck or simply losing my way in the next thirty days. I apologize for that in advance. But I have also made several dinner, lunch and movie dates and I feel it’s better to take my frustration out on this blog than my company. Maybe I should also drag myself to the gym every day to let off steam?!

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